Starting Therapy as a New Client

Starting therapy can be anxiety inducing! Whether you’ve had experiences with other counsellors and are starting with a new one, or are starting for the first time, it can be overwhelming. The irony of the fact that therapy is a wellness experience and the nerves, anxiety or distress that might come with your first few sessions, is important to touch on. Starting therapy as a new client can bring a wave of unknown. Here are a few things I believe are important for new clients to know.

You are brave.

You might not feel brave, but booking your consultation, chatting about why you’re reaching out for counselling takes courage. It might not feel this way, but I like to think of every person who seeks external support as courageous. Interestingly, regardless of experiences, your first therapy sessions can feel like a lot. I’d like to demystify a little what you can likely expect.

Counsellors often refer to the first session as an intake. This is when your counsellor will review some informed consent (ethical pieces like confidentiality). I like to remind clients that it is so important you feel safe, comfortable and seen by your therapist. It’s a huge part of whether you’ll return or not. Research shows that the sense of connection you have with your therapist (built over time) contributes to about 70% of success in therapy.

What’s that success?

Great question…I think this varies person to person. Part of the intake process I like to slow down for, is the part where I touch on your felt sense of safety. I touch on the limits of confidentiality, but also your physical, emotional and relational safety. I want you to feel physically safe in the office space or online. I have pillows, a blanket and the invitation to wrap your feet under you on the couch. However you can physically settle in and invite your body to regulate.

I want you to know you can always decline a question or let me know that you don’t feel ready to enter a particular conversation or topic. Your agency – your freedom to say stop – is of utmost importance to me, as a therapist. Finally, like any new relationship it might feel hard to trust your therapist. This makes so much sense…building a trusting relationship is deeply important and begins, during the intake.

The first session will likely also cover why you’re reach out for counselling. What experiences – recent or past – have led you to decide that the discomfort you’re experiencing is great enough that you want external support. (Again, so brave!) You can expect your counsellor may likely ask about how you have made it through all the hard stuff.

The trauma, big emotions like anxiety, overwhelm, relationship issues – these are important. You are wired for healing, but doing it alone can often times be impossible. This doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

Reaching out for help is the most human thing you can do.

Finally, at the first session your therapist will likely ask you about goals. If you have goals for therapy, that’s great. One theme I have noticed over time is that often as clients heal from their trauma, goals change. I think this is a beautiful part of self-understanding and healing.

The second session will likely be an extension of the first. I do like to ask clients what they noticed between the first two sessions. Sometimes the answer is nothing, and others it’s a noted sense of relief about being heard or being able to start unravelling the story.

There is no right or wrong answer to this question.

The best answer is the one where you feel you can be honest. This is part of the therapeutic relationship as well! Finding a space where you can practice being honest, even if you wonder whether you’ll disappoint your therapist. Again, you can be brave here.

Finally, the third session will likely feel like a more forward moving appointment. Your therapist is becoming more familiar with you and your story, and you are more familiar with your therapist. I hesitate to use the word productive, but you might feel the third session is more productive as it may include less reflecting and more “how to heal” work. In the same breath, it’s common to feel more comfortable in your story and not wanting to move too quickly. I would welcome that as a therapist. I truly believe that moving slow is the fastest way to heal.

Slowing down bring healing.

If this has helped calm some anxiety and you’re curious about the next step, I invite you to reach out! A sense of safety begins when you decide you’re ready to connect. It can be the hardest part but I wholeheartedly believe it is an act of self-compassion. I offer in-person (in the Langley area) and online appointments (around BC). I work through a trauma-informed lens with both couples and individuals.