Relationship Counselling On Your Own

You might be in a relationship, feeling like it’s okay or even not great at all. Maybe, you’ve talked with your significant other about attending counselling, but they declined. And, it seems you’re doing all you can. You believe there has to be more to a relationship than this, and yet you’re stuck.

You can attend relationship counselling on your own.

I have several thoughts on this! Hopefully you find encouragement and resourcing in these next few paragraphs. You are entitled to living enjoyably, finding joy in your relationship and feeling like your partnership is truly that…a partnership, shared between two people who want to invest.

Investment in your relationship is important so you are (more than!) satisfied and want to continue investing.

Often, it’s common for individuals to attend counselling, feeling discontent in their relationship and wanting help in changing their spouse/partner. Fortunately and unfortunately, you have no control over the other person. What that means for you though, is that you do have full control over yourself.

I like to call this agency.

Agency is you being the author and influencer over your own life. It might feel like you don’t have any agency. This is especially true if you’re in a relationship with someone who has a strong personality, or has no desire to invest in the relationship. Yet, I guarantee that you do!

Agency can be found in the smallest of places. Yet at times, it can be harder to find. For example, in your marriage or partnership your significant other might seem fully influential. They call all the shots, make all the plans, maybe they do whatever they want to do on weekends or during free time. It might feel like you are rarely – if ever – consulted. Typically, this leads you to feel like a feather in the wind of your relationship!

You speak up, but it doesn’t make a difference.

In this example the more you notice how much your partner influences, the more you might feel you have zero influence. Enter agency. When you cultivate agency you can notice a few things:

You can choose how you respond to your partner’s decisions. (This is some self-awareness.) You can stay in some of those stuck feelings (and that’s valid…sometimes it’s hard to shrug them off). Alternatively, you can notice that no one gets to dictate your emotions. As well, you can choose what you do with your time. For example…your partner doesn’t want to address some of the communication or relationship issues, you still can.

Counselling is about self-understanding, growth, exploration, healing.

Gifting yourself with something that betters you, is your choice. You get to influence your own life and then you benefit from this. I invite you to consider what agency might look like in the context of your relationship with a significant other, or even family or friends. Some of these relationships can cause anxiety, attachment issues and other complex struggles. You’re not alone, and it could be that connecting with a trauma informed counsellor is an important step in experiencing this!

I invite you to reach out and connect. You can book an in-person appointment in the Langley area or anywhere in BC.