Healing Alone In Your Relationship

Relationships can be beautiful, albeit at times, tricky things. What you used to love about your partner or spouse, now might drive you crazy. You might find you want more than you used to. There might be hurt that’s occurred and healing that has to happen, and yet your other half doesn’t want to attend marriage or relationship counselling.

There is healing you can do alone, in your relationship.

This sounds a bit confusing, or maybe like a far fetched idea. Yet, building off the previous piece or writing, there are many parts you hold autonomously within your relationship. To validate, there are also many parts that are not yours! And, of course there are parts you and your partner/spouse share.

When you can notice the parts that are yours, I believe you can gift yourself with an amazing opportunity. You can experience more peace, contentment and healing that you can, when you stay stuck. Staying stuck can often look like placing blame on the other person, feeling like you have no control of them (this is true!), or taking more than your fair share of responsibility for the struggles or ruptures.

It can be hard to figure out what parts of the relationship hurt or struggles belong to you.

I believe this is a beautiful opportunity for relationship therapy on your own. In the counselling space, you can have an opportunity to reflect on areas your relationship might be disappointing you. It’s a place where your counsellor should hold no judgment and is expected to be empathetic, while also sometimes inquiring in particular ways.

You might be surprised (in a good way!) by questions the relationship therapist might ask.

Simultaneously, your therapist should be welcoming you into new perspectives and ways to notice how your relationship affects you. I often welcome clients who have wonderful support systems (friends and family). Simultaneously, they report these people are not challenging them or asking hard questions. I think this is where therapy can be a beautiful place to grow.

You might also have traumatic experiences to process alone.

Perhaps your spouse or partner is manipulating you in particular ways – or worse. You might want to reflect on and process difficult past events. These could be resulting in trauma, anxiety or other mental health struggles. You need a safe place to spend time with a trusted therapist, to navigate your healing.

Relationship or marriage counselling is not always done in the context of two people in the counselling space. The (relationship) work you do alone, for yourself can be profoundly influential in how you experience your relationship. You might notice that you engage differently, you cultivate new boundaries, and that you feel more at peace. Experiencing this inner peace at the hand of healing, is one of the most profound pieces you can take from therapy.

You can learn of your inner self and give him/her space to be healed.

If you’re interested in relationship therapy and your partner or spouse does not want to engage, or you are not ready to welcome them into your healing journey, I invite you to reach out alone. You might find that you better understand yourself and the other, when you have an unbiased therapist listening and working alongside you to process your experiences. I offer in-person and online appointments for individuals and couples. I am located in the Langley area and do offer appointments virtually, to anyone in BC. Please reach out!