Does a Gratitude Practice Help
I talk with clients often, about the dark stuff. Those moments, seasons, years that just seem bleak. At the very least, they’ve stolen much of my clients’ stories. Some days the thought of being grateful or finding gratitude feels a lot like BS, to you. It might seem as though it invalidates your lived experience. It might even seem obnoxiously positive – or fake. Many clients (and I can vulnerably admit, me too!) have wondered with me, whether a gratitude practice would really help.
I do believe gratitude has a very clear space in your healing journey.
Let’s first clarify something though! Gratitude does not invalidate your lived experience(s). Your developmental trauma, your gritty relationship, the argument you’re currently in with said friend, the work dysfunction, the choices your teens are making which result in lost sleep and crazy high anxiety…these experiences are real, lived, valid. (If any of this sounds familiar, I would love to connect with you to begin healing.)
I still believe gratitude has a very clear space in your healing journey.
And, I don’t think it’s helpful, safe or healthy to jump straight to gratitude without first noticing what you have experienced and how you survived. When you’ve had a traumatic experiencing or you’re knee deep in your healing journey, seeking to gratitude will feel inauthentic! It might also seem that it minimizes your experience. That is valid. Please know a sense of comfort and connection are deeply important part of our work together…cultivating safety and connection are where you feel you can begin to process.
Gratitude can jump in and begin to shift the narrative though. Gratitude isn’t saying your very real suffering isn’t real. Gratitude can give you a glimpse of hope, light, relief in moments. It can shift your perspective. It can be a confidence creator. It’s like that old saying that the cracks let the light in.
I believe cracks of light can come in the form of gratitude.
However, it is a practice! The human mind predominantly thinks in the negative – a large number of your thoughts are not positive. So, it’s important to be able to shift and challenge those thoughts. It’s also important to create new ones! The research on gratitude shows that those who can give it space and practice it regularly have an advantage. They experience the(ir) world from a more positive space. And often those happier people are more successful. Wait, what?!
Shawn Achor’s research shows that happiness is the fuel that can drive success. Only 10% of your happiness is determined by your external world (circumstances). The other 90% is determined by how your brain processes (these). Wow. This is definitely some positive psychology. 
Just like anything you want to get better at, practice is key. I often talk with clients about how to integrate new practices in to life. I believe at the heart of all this is the repetition of small actions frequently. And, starting small is key. If you’ve ever started with a new exercise regime, you likely (hopefully!!) started small and built up. If it was weight lifting, you would have started small, increased muscle mass and then increased the weights and reps. If it’s running, you likely started with a few kilometers or shorter time, then increased those.
Practice takes time and consistency.
So, as you consider what it might be like to integrate a gratitude practice into your life, you’ll need to be intentional. This might look like a sticky note reminder on your fridge, writing in lipstick or eye liner on your bathroom mirror, a daily reminder popping up on your phone. Whatever works!
It might take more effort to find gratitude some days. But just like the gym, you’ll get stronger and it will take less effort as you practice. Refocus on small moments of joy. Find a crack, success, joy now – don’t look ahead and overlook this one. Don’t minimize and look ahead. Gratitude isn’t a thankfulness that overlooks those struggles. It’s a posture that brings you into a moment of shifting what you’re looking at.
If you’d like to begin exploring gratitude (among other very valid experiences you’re wanting support in!) please reach out. As a registered clinical counsellor who works with individuals and couples, I’d love to connect with you. I believe every person is capable of cultivating increased joy in life…and it can take some intention, attention and noticing together.
