(Emotional) Connection Heals Loneliness

For years after Covid, there was talk about burnout. It became known (and experienced) as nearly an epidemic in many ways. The clinical world was researching, talking, publishing and shedding light on burnout. We were talking about what it is, what you notice if you’re in burnout, how to mitigate it and most of all: how to make it through. In recent years though, what we have come to (re)learn is that it’s not so much burnout, but more so a loneliness experience that is resulting in this very difficult piece to endure.

We now also know that emotional connection heals loneliness.

Dr Jody Carrington shares that we are not in a mental health crisis, we are in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. And, I would suggest that loneliness brings with it, many friends.

These friends include anxiety, depression, burnout, isolation, shame.

This list isn’t finite – there are others. But these are some of what I see in my trauma-informed work with clients. If any of these resonate with you, possibly as secondary to loneliness, you’ve probably had a tough go. This is not your fault and you do have some agency to begin undoing some of this aloneness.

The thing with connection – and emotional connection in particular, is that all humans needs it for survival. Decades ago, there was research conducted in Russian orphanages. The focus was on why infants were not thriving and in fact, were dying. Many were experiencing failure to thrive. They were not developing typically. They were not growing. It was noticed that they stopped eating, making eye contact and seeking connection from others (caregivers). It was – and is – heartbreaking.

The power of human contact is incredible. As adults, I wonder sometimes if we don’t experience failure to thrive. If this resonates, you might find that for you failure to thrive looks like (doom) scrolling rather than reaching out to the friends you typically would. It might manifest in depression or maybe you notice irritability all the time. You probably know the things you “should” do but the energy it might take to do them is too great.

The loneliness epidemic is affecting everyone. Everywhere.

It is quite possibly a global experience. And the problem nowadays is that it is infinitely easy to isolate and shrink away into your own life. You could go for days, weeks or maybe even months without seeing people (outside of your home) if you really tried. You might believe your phone will connect you to the world, but depending on how you use it, it could be more disconnecting that connection providing.

The irony of technology and social media is that it is terribly disconnecting.

The challenge and the beauty of humanity is that you are biologically hardwired for connection. If you aren’t connected in some way to someone(s) you will inevitably experience some loneliness and isolation. Dr Carrington shares a Surgeon General finding which is that loneliness can actually shorten your life in ways comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

So, if you’re loneliness and it seems that it is affecting you in big ways, even physically, you’re right.

What’s beautiful in our present day, is that you can reverse and heal your loneliness. And chances are, there are others in your world who are also feeling this. Did you know that simple (but intentional) practices can help shift your sense of loneliness, disconnect and isolation. Staring into a loved one’s eyes for 20s can help. Playing a game face to face (crib is a winner!) is magic. Taking a walk on a regular basis with a friend, family member or even your sweet pup can connect you with another being, with nature, with yourself. The options are literally endless.

The piece that weighs out is that you need to be intentional – but you don’t need to be dramatic about it. You just need to be intentional. Is this possible? What are your thoughts? If this resonates with you, I’d love to connect. If you’re noticing anxiety, overwhelm, depression or other heavy parts please reach out and book your session! I offer in-person and online appointments in Langley and throughout BC. You’re not alone and often connecting with a counsellor is a beautiful first step in undoing your loneliness and reconnecting.