Why You Feel Lonely Even When You’re Not Alone

It’s one of the most uncomfortable, confusing and exhausting experiences. Feeling lonely, though you’re surrounded by people. You might have a full home – kids, a spouse. Perhaps you even have in-laws living in the basement. It’s possible you have friends you’d say are lovely and there for you through it all.

Somehow you still feel lonely, even when you’re not alone.

There’s a loneliness crisis in our world right now. For years, clinical experts were reporting a mental health crisis. We now identify it to be loneliness. One psychologist is starting to turn more and more towards understanding it to be heartbreak. We’ve lost connection with other humans. You’re noticing you are so busy, others have access to you continually and yet you’re heartbroken. Disconnected.

The world is turning, moving, noisy…more than it ever has been. As humans we are wired no differently than before, but the amount of noise in the world…it’s keeping us disconnected. This disconnection is exhausting. It’s burning us out.

If you feel lonely, you’re not alone…and that doesn’t make it easier.

Loneliness is defined as perceived social isolation, because you can be in a room full of people and feel the most lonely. And currently, it’s harder to get out of loneliness because the world is exhausted. You’d undoubtedly love to slow down and have a heartfelt conversation, a soul-filling afternoon with a friend.

It’s of course still possible to feel unlonely, but I believe you’ll need to be more intentional than ever before. Because, the world is noisier than ever before. Everyone has access to you –  (no) thanks to your smartphone! The world isn’t bad, but it’s overwhelming sometimes.

You may not be physically lonely, but emotionally, it’s a different story.

Emotional loneliness is this perceived isolation. You’re physically around others all the time. But you don’t feel seen or known. It’s possible you’re unsure how or whether they really understand you.

Authentic connection is at the heart of healing. You might need to slow down, really assess what life looks like. Who is in your world? Are the life-giving? Do they make your days better? Not every friend has to serve a very specific purpose, but do they add or take value from you?

In a world full of people, you only need one, two or maybe three friends.

But they need to be quality friends. These are people who see you. Feeling unlonely isn’t about being surrounded by dozens of people, continual invites and socializing. It’s about slowing down to notice who makes you feel seen and safe.

When you feel safe, your body will tell you so much.

Maybe you’ll notice your shoulders drop. A settling. You stop clenching your jaw. Or, perhaps you softly smile. This is authentic. This is regulated. It might be unfamiliar to you…or maybe you know it from years past. If you’ve had a traumatic experience, it may be harder to trust others.

This makes so much sense.

You might know aloneness to be safer than vulnerably connecting with others. And yet, you want that connection and you want to be unlonely. I invite you to reach out and connect. Together, we can begin to navigate through the hard, dark places, help you heal from your trauma and move forward. Please reach out to book an online appointment anywhere in BC, or an in-person appointment in Langley.