Why Some People Feel Worse Before They Feel Better in Therapy

You may have been considering therapy for a while. Perhaps you’ve never tried it, and the thought of sharing some of the hardest stuff feels overwhelming. Or, maybe you’ve gone before but your previous experience wasn’t great…you didn’t feel heard, or seen. It’s also possible that you have had multiple, amazing therapy experiences but the thought of starting again feels a bit overwhelming. You know that it can be uncomfortable and you wonder what it might feel like this time. I would say that it’a a general expectation to see a clinical counsellor because you want to experience life differently…better!

So, why is it that some people feel worse before they feel better in therapy?

This is a somewhat common question. There are several thoughts on this, and I’ll share a few. Hopefully even having an understanding of this experience, demystifies therapy a little and perhaps calms your nervous system! It’s common that you could experience many changes with the start of therapy (whether it’s your first or your hundredth session). Naturally, you become more aware of what you have or are experiencing. Sharing with someone new, can in and of itself bring to mind thoughts, emotions or memories you hadn’t had in a while. Possibly (likely!), your therapist will ask questions you hadn’t thought of…this could bring newness to your awareness also.

Increased awareness is a lovely, healthy experience but it can also be uncomfortable.

Naming your emotions can be part of this awareness. Oftentimes emotions live in our body and we aren’t able to name them. We notice nausea, a pain or ache in our chest, a struggle to get a deep breath. These are all ways we experience and feel emotions. To slow down and name sadness, loneliness, fear, shame or any of the others can create a new awareness as to how they have affected us. Naming emotions brings out stories and sometimes memories. This awareness might make you feel a little heavier, rather than better as you begin therapy.

The more you name your emotions, the more you connect them and you tame them.

This is a beautiful, freeing practice. And, it doesn’t mean, that unnamed, your emotions are bad. Yet, sometimes the naming process gives them less power. It is a part of healing and it can be deeply empowering. However, it often starts by leaving you feeling a little worse than before you feel better in therapy. The reminder I sometimes share with clients is that you have likely been carrying your pain a long time, it’s fair to expect it will take a little while to heal it. Likely longer than any of us would like. That’s common and it’s all part of healing. I hope I can undo a little aloneness with that thought.

While naming emotions can, at first feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable, it is a truly healthy part of healing. What you might notice as you begin to name what you’ve been feeling…what you’ve been carrying, is that the discomfort is your nervous system talking to you. It might be a little activated. This activation can sometimes be called emotional dysregulation.

Avoiding nervous system activation is common, in the world of emotions and trauma healing.

The more you can become aware of your emotions, naming, feeling and becoming familiar with how you experience them, the more you can calm your nervous system. The more you can practice and experience emotional regulation. When you build some of this inner-trust, you’ll continue to feel more grounded. This groundedness can lead you an increased capacity to understand your own internal experiences, feel more agency and ability to heal yourself. And, likely you’ll feel more excited and motivated to sit in the discomfort which leads to healing. Discomfort isn’t bad. It often leads to growth.

If you’ve been considering reach out for support, I’d love to connect with you to begin your healing journey. I offer in-person counselling appointments in the Langley area, and online anywhere in BC. I invite you to book your appointment today. I offer free consultations before the first appointment, to determine goodness of fit between you and I.