Talking About Your Trauma

I recall once hearing the phrase that the only way out is through. What do you feel as you read those words? I think it strikes me so deep because it’s true. And it’s hard. It can be messy, confusing, but most of all freeing. When you can talk about experiences: the good ones, the hard ones and traumatic ones you can begin to feel more yourself again. In talking about your trauma, you can make your way through and eventually out. To be clear, you can heal from the emotional wounding of the trauma. The memory may remain in some way.

Your trauma is something that happened to you. It’s not your fault.

However, it has likely formed and framed much of how you now go through the world. It might inform the way you connect to your partner or spouse. In the world of attachment, there are ways that you might find you connect (anxious, avoidant or disorganized) with loved ones if you experienced trauma developmentally. (It’s also possible you could have a secure attachment style!) Being curious about attachment styles and childhood experiences can help begin to understand how your past affects your present. You can begin to better understand yourself, connect with fragmented parts of yourself perhaps suffering from those experiences.

Healing from your trauma in the safe presence of a trusted other, is deeply reparative.

If you were hurt in relationship, relationship is most often the vehicle used to bring healing. (These are not usually the same relationship, and a therapist can be a safe person to navigate this healing.) You give yourself and your spouse/partner the greatest gift, as you navigate through these very difficult memories and heal relational wounds. I think it’s important to highlight that the healing is for you, and your relationship gets to reap from this. Talking with a relationship therapist can feel uncomfortable if it’s new to you. It takes courage.

If you’ve experienced a traumatic event or trauma is a part of your story, it could influence the way you parent. Past emotional trauma can influence parenting style. You might notice you unintentionally respond or react by replaying patterns you witnessed growing up. Maybe you overreact and you really dislike that part of your parenting. Talking about your trauma and noticing what parts of you show up in those moments, can free you from some of the emotional reactions you’re having. Alternatively, you might notice that you struggle to show up for your kids the way you’d like. It might be hard to show compassion in moments you know really call for it. Perhaps you’re overly critical or controlling. Wouldn’t it be a relief to step out of some of these wounded parts?

Not only can you bring healing to yourself but you can shift generational patterns.

When you talk about your trauma with another person, you can take something that may feel shameful or unspeakable and begin to process it. I sometime liken this experience to that of taking a ball of yarn that’s all knotted and finding the end. Together, we can pull that single string and begin to unravel it. Slowly, as you feel safe and are able to explore some of your experiences meaning can come from it.

Sometimes the simple (brave!) act of speaking some of it out loud, is enough to begin to shift your experience. You can feel that you are starting to move in the right direction…towards what feels authentically like you.

The deeply emotional process of talking about your traumatic experience can feel utterly vulnerable. I want to invite you into the thought that courage is a choice. Some days courage might look like attending therapy and talking about anything other than your experience(s). On other days, with a trusted and trauma informed therapist it might be looking at it square in the eyes, and together doing some of the hard work. I do believe the only way out is through. Yet, I believe “through” has many meanings and paths.

There’s no one right route and the work begins by reaching out to connect. I invite you to book a consultation or first appointment. I’d love to connect with you in-person or online, as an individual or a couple in the Langley area! Please reach out.