Increasing Connection and Relationships

If you think carefully, you might notice that the number of relationships and connections you have now compared to earlier years, has decreased. It can be hard to maintain friendships at times. And, yet relationships are such an important part of a healthy life. If you’re a busy parent, work is overwhelming and your mental health isn’t great it might feel exhausting to focus on relationships.

Increasing connection and relationships is a crucial part of improving your mental, emotional and physical health.

I have touched on loneliness in a few previous written pieces. And sometime the loneliness epidemic in your own life might feel too big to overcome. If you’re already exhausted, the thought of adding something (someone’s!) to your to-do list might be the last thing you want to do.

Loneliness is stealing your health. But it doesn’t have to.

While we all want deep, healthy, long-lasting meaningful relationships that might not be where you’re at right now. Starting with little shifts can help you begin to reduce your loneliness and sense of isolation.

Reach out. Maybe you’re waiting or expecting someone to reach out to you first. Even that waiting can create more of a sense of loneliness. Reach out – call, send a text, do something to connect with the person who comes to mind as you read this. Maybe it feels awkward because you haven’t spoken in a while. Make a joke (humour can be a great way to repair a relationship…or at least a start). Muster as much courage and vulnerability as you can and tell them you miss them.

Personally, I think a good meme with a few of your own words can be the best way to drop seeds of reconnection.

Don’t expect from your friendships what you used to experience. You’ve changed, they’ve changed. It’s unfair to expect that the friendship has stayed the same. You might need something different from them and them, you. That’s a very human response.

Friendships in adulthood are wild. When you were born, it’s likely screens or devices you now carry around in your pocket didn’t exist. We have all had to adapt to connection with this new distraction – and it’s hard! Kids nowadays experience face-to-face connection about an hour less per day than 20 years ago. That’s over 350 hrs less of human contact a year. I don’t think it’s much different for us adults. So figure out how to get in on that real life. Start with a text but do not stop there! Make it a two minute phone call.

It’s also important to know that you only need a couple of closer friendships. Knowing the neighbours (hopefully by name), sharing a little fence-talk on weekends as you mow the lawn or wash the cars. What’s their dog’s name? That’s incredibly important too. Can you venture away from your screen and muster up all the bravery in the world to befriend parents of your kids’ sports team. I can almost guarantee they’ll be so open to you. (They might seem a little stand-off-ish at first…people don’t know what to do with social interactions like they used to.) Try it!

You don’t have to invest hours of each week making new friendship or rekindling old ones. Make one small goal about what you want this to look like, or who you might reach out to. Just a few minutes.

I work with individuals and couples in relationships and connection. Loneliness is exhausting and overwhelming. It’s stressful. If you’d like to connect in-person or online in the Langley area or anywhere in BC, I offer trauma-informed counselling. I would love to connect and begin helping you heal.