Connection and Your Physical Health

Connection, community, friendships…the thing these three have in common is that they involve other people. When you’re in community with others, regardless of how close your relationship is, you are healthier. Loneliness is an epidemic that mental health professionals are really studying. The results are surprising and important to understand.

Connection, community and friendships affect your physical health as much as your mental, emotional health.

It was long assumed that loneliness was just this thing you experienced when friendships (or intimate relationship) were suffering. Loneliness was known more as a feeling of sadness. It’s far more significant than that though.

Loneliness is defined as perceived social isolation. So, whether you are literally alone or you’re surrounded by other people, you can experience loneliness. The reason that loneliness or the sense of social isolation is so detrimental to your health, is that humans are neurobiologically wired for connection. We are a social species.

You do your best work when you feel seen, known, connection – unlonely.

Loneliness absolutely affects your mental and emotional health. If you’re familiar with it, you might notice that your anxiety is increased when you’re lonely. This could be because you start to spiral about what the future will be like, if you stay in this space. The anxiety might include catastrophizing or overwhelm. These things happen when there’s no one around to help you talk it through, to help you emotionally regulate, or to connect either emotionally or physically (this could mean a hug, sitting near you, holding your hand…).

Loneliness also affects your physical health. Recently the Surgeon General released a report sharing that the effects of loneliness on your physical health are equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. At a cellular level, loneliness is seriously affecting humans.

If humans are wired for connection and currently experiencing disconnection, this makes sense. But until recently (as recent as the last 10 years), studies weren’t conclusive. Now that technology, smart phones and the accessibility of online presence has increased, researchers are gaining significant insight into the realities of what’s happening.

I see this with couples clients who try to navigate how phones and screen use shows up in their relationships. It’s very hard to have a conversation when there are two screens between two people. Screens physically get in the way. They are a distraction. More than that, they have no boundaries. Screens are fully accessible 24/7. This means that you can be accessible to work, social or community and even (extended) family needs.

When you are continually accessible to others, you (your body) can begin to suffer from being present.

Presence is significant in relationships. Being present is how you offer the best parts of you to others. This is where you do your best work. Meaning, you can connect face-to-face. You can regulate yourself or your partner (for example). In this face-to-face context, you reduce perceived social isolation. Loneliness.

Studies show that your lifespan is shortened by a few things. Living in a heavily polluted climate reduces lifespan by 5%. Interestingly, living with obesity reduces lifespan by 20%. We now know alcohol dependence reduces lifespan by 30%. And, living with loneliness reduces lifespan by 45%.

Living with loneliness is more harmful to your physical health than alcohol overuse.

That feels overwhelming! And yet, along with the research about the detrimental effects of loneliness, comes some antidotal hope. In my next blog, I will share what you can do to decrease loneliness, expand your community and increase connection with others.

If you experience loneliness or the mental and emotional struggles that come with it, please reach out. It’s common that trauma or traumatic events can affect loneliness and I’d love to connect with you to heal your trauma, to give you hope and to support you as you (re)create relationships. I offer in-person and online appointments in Langley and all over BC. Book your appointment today!