Your Friendships Are Important

You might reflect back on your childhood or younger years and recall friends as easy to find…and keep. Now as an adult, it seems like so much has changed. Your life is busy, their life is busy. Work, kids, sports and other relationships. You’re also tired. You want to connect but it feels like too much. You are emotionally tired and you literally cannot find the time.

Your friendships are important, especially as an adult.

And, I might suggest that your relationships are exceptionally important. Part of the reason you might be feeling exhausted is simply lacking connection. Relationships are deeply important. And, sometimes when they corrode slowly or life creeps in sneakily you don’t notice.

Can you think back to the last time you enjoyed a good connection with a friend…or two or three? You might have gone for coffee, had a Group FaceTime call, or maybe it was more like a weekend getaway. Can you notice how you felt at the end? Possibly tired, but also grounded, calm or refreshed?

This is your body telling you that you felt safe.

Often, as a human when something goes well or feels safe, you likely have the tendency to move along. If it’s not uncomfortable, you don’t notice. When you feel disconnected, missing your friends, or even exhausted, it could be that you notice those. It’s uncomfortable…of course you notice!

Humans are biologically wired for connection. Relationships need to bring meaning to your life. People who say “I get it”. Those are your people. Friends who get your quirks, they might even (kindly) make fun of you and you can both (all) laugh together.

Keep these people around.

If you’re feeling a little disconnected recently, why not be the one to reach out? If you’re tired, drop a quick text. It might feel like you are more of the pursuer…can I invite you to do it anyway? Embodying this role is hard at times but you know what? It could be the most meaningful thing you do with those around you. You might be breathing life into their day.

Another area that can feel difficult is working through ruptures. If something has happened, gently approach it. Have hard conversations – respectfully. These are the mark of healthy, resilient relationships. (This is true of friendships and intimate relationships, too!) Better to say the hard thing respectfully, than harbour resentment. This is never healthy, helpful or life giving in any relationship. And, you are the one who suffers!

Friendships are one main ingredient in the secret sauce of adulthood. If you’re feeling lonely or not sure where to start, why not reach out for professional support to begin navigating this part of life? I offer online and in-person counselling in Langley, BC. I welcome individual clients and couples struggling in relationships, life transitions, anxiety and who have struggled with a traumatic event. Please book your appointment online or reach out via email.