Why Am I Being Triggered?

You may have noticed there are times you react in ways that seem bigger or more dramatic to the situation than you think you should. You jump, you get a flashback to something from the past, you feel something in your body that you felt a long time ago but you’re not sure why it’s coming up now. It doesn’t make sense, maybe it causes your anxiety to overage…but you don’t like it. You wonder why you are being triggered.

The word triggered is one I used carefully with clients. I see it overused at times – almost like a buzzword – and I don’t ever want to invalidate someone’s reaction. If you’ve experienced a traumatic event though, you may well find some things triggeringfind some things triggering based on your past experiences.

What is a trigger?

Simply put, a trigger is typically a negative thought, feeling or reaction based on a past experience. It could affect your thoughts, feelings or behaviours. When you’re triggered, your reaction may not make sense to you. Your reaction may seem huge in comparison to whatever happened.

It’s common for a client to share that the thing that triggered them seemed to come out of nowhere. Perhaps your child used a word or phrase that deeply affected you. You got disproportionately angry with them – and regretted it after. Your boss might have used a ton that was sharper than usual and inside you noticed that you freeze. That doesn’t make sense to you, because you have a great relationship with your boss. Maybe you read something for work or pleasure and the way the words leapt off the page caused you to suddenly feel incredibly angry or hostile. These responses are common with triggers.

Logically they don’t make sense.

If you can consider how they are affecting your nervous system, maybe they do. Your nervous system doesn’t know time. Meaning it can’t logically decipher that your boss is a safe, kind, respectable human. Your nervous system is interpreting  the tone your boss used and how, in a previous time that tone was unsafe. Your body and nervous system are reacting to how these memories have been stored.

This can cause a lot of anxiety, stress and overwhelm!

So how can you help yourself, even a little? There are several ways to begin navigating this really hard experience. I will typically (not surprisingly!) suggest connecting with a counsellor. You want to trust this person, feel that they are warm and non-judgemental. This is important because a trained trauma therapist can help keep you grounded and in the present, as you explore triggers and/or past experiences.

Grounding practices are huge in the world of emotional dysregulation, anxiety, and trauma. Anytime you can give yourself the opportunity to notice that you are safe and in the present moment, is a good grounded moment. This can calm your anxiety and increase your sense of safety. When you feel safe, you can respond rather than react.

There are dozens of grounding practices out there, and one I love is simply to notice five things around you. Don’t simply look at the clock, the couch, the desk, the hardwood and the plant. Really spend time with each item.

– What colour is the clock?

– What type of numbers encircle it?…roman numerals, digits, lettered words?

– How big is the clock?

– What shape is the clock?

– Does the clock have a second hand that ticks?…or just an hour and minute hand?

These questions can continue for quite some time. The more time you can spend on this practice, the more you’ll be present. You’ll notice that your heart rate settles and your breathing becomes more consistent. Not only does this help to connect and calm your nervous system, it also reminds you that you have some agency (internal influence). This is really important because it’s this agency that you may have historically lost, when in a traumatic or overwhelming experience.

Once you find a grounding practice that feels achievable and helpful, you might want to become curious about what was triggered? Often traumatic experiences happen in childhood and you may know this already. There are other experiences though, that can have a significant effect on you and your nervous system.

When you feel safer to do so, or in the presence of a trained registered clinical counsellor, you can get curious. Your curiosity can be around family conflicts, relationship issues, illnesses – either yours or a loved one, sudden loss, how you internalized something unbeknownst to others. The list goes on…but there is no right or wrong way to react to an experience that has been difficult for you. If you have felt invalidated for your response or reactions in the past, I’m so sorry to hear that. They are valid and your reactions are formed through your lived experience.

Your experiences are uniquely yours.

If this sounds familiar to you – or if you’re hoping to process some triggers, please reach out to book your session book your session today. Talking through  and healing from your traumatic experiences can be healing and you can feel hopeful again. I would love to connect with you. I offer in-person appointments in Langley and online appointments anywhere in BC.