What Is a Relational Approach in Trauma Therapy

There are many different approaches to therapy. You can talk to ten therapists (more!) and each can have a different way they work. This means, they use a different framework to process what their clients share and how they support them in healing. You might have heard of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) which is an approach integral to most master’s level education. There are many others that float around and are widely used. Many therapists used several approaches and some have focused their higher learning and training on one. There’s no right or wrong approach and the best approach is the one that informs your counsellor in supporting you.

A relational approach to therapy is typically used with individually struggling within their relationships.

These struggles can result in varying struggles including trauma, anxiety, depression, stress and other similar experiences. I believe the reason a relational approach is so deeply important and helpful with these struggles (anxiety, etc) is that many of the issues mention, stem from unhealthy, adverse (or traumatic) experiences within relationships.

If you’re hurt in a relationship, you need to heal in a relationship.

These are infrequently the same relationship. For example, you might have had (or still do!) some very difficult relationship issues with Mom. Perhaps you struggle to feel emotionally safe within your relationship with her. This might lead to mistrust in other relationships, leading again to heightened anxiety overall. When you meet with a counsellor who is relationally focused, the first thing they want to do is cultivate a sense of safety within that relationship. In turn and overtime, this can support you in your sense of safety (and reduce anxiety) in your relationship with Mom.

Cultivating safety in any relationship takes time.

This is natural, normal and human. It takes time to warm up to, connect and feel comfortable and safe with your counsellor. This is often because of what happened to you within other relationships you have in life. It’s okay! The therapeutic relationship is a vehicle to experience healing. You might start to notice that you can share something uncomfortable with your counsellor and they are still warm, empathetic. You don’t feel judged. (This can feel refreshing…and sometimes if it’s new, you might not trust it. That’s okay!…over time you can start to experience a shift in this.)

You might notice you can fall apart in session, or say things that are often thrown back in your face in an unhealthy relationship, and your counsellor replies with, “can you say more about that?”. Counselling from a relational perspective is healing. However, if your nervous system is used to mistrust, this might feel untrustworthy in itself.

I invite you to try and sit in this discomfort…and give it time and a few more sessions.

Another benefit from a relational approach to therapy, is that it helps you improve your sense of self. You can become more aware of your sense of agency which is significant if you have unhealthy relationships in your life. A sense of agency means you understand where you have influence, how you can move through your world, where you have choice. When you better understand (and can practice, in therapy) what this looks like you can feel more safe and secure. Individual feeling more secure can begin to notice where they can change or influence others, and where they cannot.

Often traumatic experiences leave you feeling fully responsible for your relationships.

As you heal this part of you in therapy, you can start to notice which parts of the relationships you are not responsible for. In counselling, clients will often share with me that this feels like a relief (and sometimes there is some grief in there, too). Attending in-person or online counselling consistently can help you begin to gain understanding in this area. You can process experiences safely and your counsellor can invite you into new ways of healing and approaching these relationships – through the healthy, safe relationship with them.

If you’re wanting to reach out and connect, I offer in-person counselling in Langley. I also offer online counselling to anyone in BC. I have immediate availability and welcome new clients. Please reach out to book today!