Feeling Your Emotions

In therapy we often talk about sitting with your emotions or feeling your feelings.

What does that actually mean? How do you know if you’re feeling your emotions? Some clients ask what it might be like or why they struggle to do this. I believe there are many parts to this experience and for many people, it’s harder than it might sound. This concept might be foreign if you grew up in a family where emotions made some people uncomfortable. If the message that was implied was to keep those emotional parts of yourself to yourself, it might seem overwhelming to consider allowing yourself to sit in them.

If your family grew uncomfortable at the mention of feelings, it makes so much sense that you might struggle to spend time noticing your own. I will encourage you – curiosity around emotions can help lower your defences. Meaning, rather that expecting yourself to feel them or criticizing yourself for not, can you be curious about them? Below, I’ll share a few suggestions about curiosity:

Curiosity can allow you to acknowledge any emotion(s) that may be there. To be curious simply means you can notice and not judge. Feelings don’t always have a reason to be present. For example, you might recall a time you felt like crying for no reason. Or, out of the blue you noticed anger bubbling somewhere within your body. If you criticize yourself for experiencing emotions, shame might start to develop.

Shame can often communicate negativity or even self-judgement.

So, the next time you notice an emotion that catches you off guard (or maybe even in this morning) can you simply notice and acknowledge it? If you’re not sure what it might be, there are plenty of emotion sensation wheels online. I appreciate this one that integrates emotions and the body.

As a therapist, I don’t necessarily believe emotions to be good or bad, negative or positive. I believe emotions are simply ways our body (and nervous system) are trying to communicate with us. Emotions can however, feel comfortable and uncomfortable….and this is different for all of us!

To begin feeling your feelings, the curiosity piece is important. Once you’ve started to get curious with your emotions and you can step into some acknowledgement, another piece is noticing where you might experience them in your body.

Is there a knot in your stomach?

Do you feel a tightness in your chest?

Are your shoulders up and tensed?

These are all ways your body may try and communicate emotions. As you step into curiosity you might begin to recognize that when you’re anxious, your fists clench or perhaps your heart beast faster.

Instead of distracting yourself or avoiding this, can you take a few deep breaths and just notice what’s happening? (This can take practice, especially if you have had (a) traumatic experience(s)). If you’re able to continue taking deep breaths, and noticing, the feeling will eventually calm and you will feel a little more comfortable. If you can stay in this space without judging the emotion (or yourself for having it) you will begin to increase your ability to feel your emotions.

Being able to sit in the discomfort of your emotions is an important part of feeling your feelings.

Finally, extend compassion to yourself. You can be compassionate that you were able to notice the emotions, sit with the discomfort and recognize how they affected you. I invite you to remind yourself that humans are emotional creatures and emotions are part of life (even if you were told otherwise growing up)! Likely, you’ll begin to become more comfortable and familiar with emotions, as you spend more time feeling your feelings.

If you’re curious about this experience, emotional fluency – better understanding emotions and your experience with them, is a healing experience. Stepping into this with a trusted professional can help you feel safe, calm and seen. Please reach out!