Are You Thinking or Overthinking?

You love to think. Maybe you’re excellent at self-reflection – or reflection in general. You might pride yourself on your ability to analyze, anticipate and really dig into the details of a situation. It’s something you might consider a strength and in the clinical world we might call it adaptive. It’s helpful and you really love this thinking part of yourself. Yet you might have more recently noticed how exhausting and overpowering it is at times. You notice the thoughts won’t easily stop. Now this adaptive strength feels a bit maladaptive. It’s overwhelming or exhausting. How do you know when your thinking turns to overthinking? And, can you stop it?

I’ll encourage you that in today’s world especially, overthinking is common.

If you’ve had a traumatic experience, overthinking might be something you’re familiar with. In fact, it might feel unfamiliar not to overthink. Overthinking can activate a part of your brain (the amygdala) to be hypervigilant. While this feels so uncomfortable and truly exhausting most days, it is a trauma response. This overthinking resulting from a traumatic experience can lead to anxiety, overwhelm, catastrophizing and other unhelpful thought patterns. It’s also exhausting for your physical body.

Another reason overthinking is common is that you’re surrounded by information for a good part of your day. Everyday. A couple decades ago, your parents left work at the end of the day and that’s where it stayed. Save the file in your father’s briefcase, or the handful of papers your mother’s bag, no one could access them, nor did they have access to many parts of their work. If you had a stay at home parent, they didn’t have 24/7 access to seeing what others were doing, engaging in unhealthy text dialogues, or other personal, professional or world events. In the early days of email communication, when an email was sent and the end of the day rolled around, there was no way to find out if the recipient had read it or how they responded.

There was a clear work – personal – social – family separation.

Now, when you’re not in-the-know or fully caught up on information, it can feel less-than. You might feel there are a hundred demands on you all at once and it often seems that those who meet all the demands are praised. There’s this expectation to be overly productive all.day.long.every.single.day. And so with that, you mind find can’t turn your thoughts off. And this all makes you very anxious and very overwhelmed, which might just stimulate a little more overthinking.

You likely know the outcome of this: you’re not sleeping. You might be snappy. Maybe you’re short within your relationship towards your partner, to your kids or even friends. It’s very likely you’re overstimulated. And, I often have clients share a lack of self-worth if they’re not productive all the time. You’re certainly not experiencing calm or peace. All these things together can create quite an internal storm. The stress you experience in your body and mind makes it very difficult to focus, stay regulated and certainly sleep. You might even feel like your overthinking thoughts are taking control of you. I’m so sorry if this has been your experience.

Can I encourage you that you can shift this experience?

You do have agency (your own internal control or influence) over how much information you take it – or when you take it in. Or, if you don’t take it in at all! It’s about too much thinking but also the quality of your thoughts. What this means is that if your thoughts are repeated and not getting you anywhere other than feeling worse (ruminating) then you’re in a stuck place. This isn’t helpful it’s hurtful to you mentally, emotionally and maybe even physically (especially if you’re losing sleep)!

The curious part about overthinking is that it’s sneaky! An adaptive, helpful thought might slowly shift as you overthink. You might have an interaction with a coworker and you feel okay about it. As you reflect, or give yourself more space to think on it, you start to notice this shifts. Suddenly you find yourself in a bit of a thought spiral. What did your coworker walk away from the conversation thinking? Did they understand what you were communicating? What did they think about you?

Overthinking often gets you stuck in an unhelpful, exhaustive loop!

As you notice going from feeling calm to a bit chaotic, this might be thinking shifting to overthinking. If you’re starting to question yourself, that ruminating brain might be getting the better of you and your day! You might not feel present anymore – this is awful! A small blip in your day might suddenly be tainting how you experience the rest of it. It’s exhausting. And, ironically you can become really good at it. You can start to feel overwhelmed, emotional, stressed out. It feels like you cannot stop this loop.

Thoughts are only thoughts, but they can start feeling like facts.

There are a few ways you can slow down and stop this cycle of overthinking:

Sometimes asking yourself whether the thoughts are helpful can slow them down or cause you to pause. It seems a little obvious that they aren’t likely helpful, but when you’re in the overthinking loop not much is obvious. If your internal answer is that you feel stuck, get curious about how you can move forward?

Name it to tame it. Dr Dan Siegel has coined that phrase. It simply means that when you can put words to what’s going on, you can disempower the thought even a little. Naming it can bring you back to the present which can help you regulate and create some space between you and your thought.

If you’re overthinking, you’re likely not noticing anything else going on around you. You might be driving and suddenly you’ve arrived at your destination. You might notice an hour has passed and you don’t know how. Perhaps your overthinking took you on an exhaustive loop but it’s all been above your neck. Dropping down into your body can do wonders for your ability to ground yourself. Drop your shoulders, wiggle your toes and notice your whole body in between. The body holds so much for all of us, that noticing and spending a few moments in it is healing.

Take it to a trusted friend/family member or a safe, confidential space like therapy. Talking with a counsellor, to process your traumatic experiences leading to overthinking, overwhelm, anxiety and other difficult experiences is powerful. Saying things out loud and sometimes being curious with your therapist or someone else can release you felt the felt need to stay in them. I offer in-person daytime appointments in Langley or online/virtual counselling appointments for individuals and couples, anywhere in BC. If this resonates with you, I’d love to connect. Please reach out to book a consultation or a first appointment!